By Irene Graham
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Additional resources for Sod Off!: The Little Guide to Social Avoidance
It is appropriate for the social avoider to view the world as a foggy mass and be oblivious to all the eyeballers. If your 20/20 vision doesn’t allow you this comfortable option then wear corrective glasses and this will give you the same blurry effect. This is a sure way for people to start not wanting to be around you – the amount of aggravation this will have on people is directly proportionate to your age. Make sure you just have one controller to prevent other video gamers joining you. The social avoider is not a competitive person.
Use a pogo stick for everyday use – ideal for avoiding eye contact. 46 The Little Guide To Social Avoidance When you go out with friends get drunk, argumentative and on the way home throw up in their car. 47 Sod Off! Refuse to laugh at people’s jokes – even if you find them funny. This may require the use of facial muscles that have previously lain inactive. 48 The Little Guide To Social Avoidance If aged over 30 say that you still live with your parents (even if you are married with 4 kids) – people’s judgmental sensors are curiously heightened by this choice of lifestyle so you can guarantee to be dismissed as being ‘a bit strange’ and your quest for social isolation moves up another notch.
Hope that the burkha makes it onto the catwalk this year. 54 The Little Guide To Social Avoidance When socialising, only go to fancy dress parties … as the invisible man. 55 Sod Off! Order everything from catalogues. Granted, you will spend the majority of your life returning unsuitable goods but at least you won’t have to wade through the human traffic full of people who are actually shopping for pleasure and not because they desperately need to renew the black pair of trousers that they have been faithful to for the last 5 years.
Sod Off!: The Little Guide to Social Avoidance by Irene Graham