By Mallory Ortberg
Hilariously imagined textual content conversations—the passive competitive, the smart, and the strange—from vintage and glossy literary figures, from Scarlett O'Hara to Jessica Wakefield
Mallory Ortberg, the co-creator of the cult-favorite web site The Toast, provides this whimsical number of hysterical textual content conversations out of your favourite literary characters. we all know that if Scarlett O'Hara had an enormous text-and-data plan, she'd regularly try and tempt Ashley clear of Melanie with suggestive messages. If Mr. Rochester might textual content Jane Eyre, his ardent missives could evidently be in all-caps. And Daisy Buchanan wouldn't in simple terms textual content whereas riding, she'd textual content you to select her up after she totaled her automobile. in keeping with the preferred web-feature, Texts from Jane Eyre is a witty, irreverent mashup that brings the characters out of your favourite books into the twenty-first century.
"In Texts from Jane Eyre Mallory Ortberg hilariously proves that she is aware fictional characters higher than they comprehend themselves. She makes me chuckle like not anyone else."—Rainbow Rowell, bestselling writer of Eleanor & Park and Fangirl
"Dear Mallory Ortberg’s writer: Please ship me 27 circumstances of Texts from Jane Eyre, simply because I ate it love it used to be sweet covered in crack cocaine, it’s the easiest, and that i have to provide it to everyone."—Elizabeth Gilbert, bestselling writer of consume, Pray, Love and The Signature of All Things
"Witty and literate. Smart-ass humor with an emphasis on clever. I'm unsure who I'm extra jealous of: Mallory Ortberg for her comedian brilliance, or whoever bought to take a seat subsequent to her in highschool English."—Adam Bertocci, writer of 2 gents of Lebowski
"Mallory Ortberg is basically, actually the funniest individual on the web. It seems she has additionally learn every thing. this is often the neatest, such a lot intellectual, so much refined literary publication that might ever make you pee your self in public."—Rachel Fershleiser, co-editor of no longer fairly What i used to be making plans: Six-Word Memoirs through Writers recognized and imprecise
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Additional info for Texts from Jane Eyre: And Other Conversations with Your Favorite Literary Characters
She skipped out of the room and tossed herself on to the big, green, overstuffed chair by the fireplace. She picked up a hot chocolate with extra whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles and slurped it loudly. The extra whipped cream made interestingly gross noises as she inhaled it. t need it,? Jackson whispered to himself. He studied the ordinary-looking brown book in his other hand. It felt cool and heavy. He turned it one way and then the other. It felt like a very important book. Have you found what you are looking for, sir??
T know what to say or think in that particular situation. So he said nothing. s hand eagerly. Come on, I love the buffet.? Jackson followed Meeka to the other side of the cafeteria to a long table of assorted foods. s hands. Oh? goodness. ve ever seen. Imagine this superlong table is filled, I mean, fiiiillllllllleddddddd with food. Every kind of food you can imagine. How on earth are you possibly going to decide? How on earth am I possibly going to decide?? said Jackson half to himself, half to Meeka.
Sir Shaw looked at the book on the counter, and then fixed his dark blue eyes on Jackson. And what is it exactly that you were looking for, sir?? he asked, one bushy white eyebrow arching. Jackson exploded. t looking for anything! You sent me to the ASK section and you offered me a trade and I got ripped off! There is nothing in this book! s empty! I helped you, and I got nothing in return! I almost threw up!? Sir Shaw glanced down at the book again. Nothing is in it at all, sir?? No! Nothing is in it at all!?
Texts from Jane Eyre: And Other Conversations with Your Favorite Literary Characters by Mallory Ortberg